วันเสาร์ที่ 13 กุมภาพันธ์ พ.ศ. 2553

UFO: Snake River Man

I was fishing one of the ponds above the banks of the Snake River yesterday morning. The wind was cold and kept throwing my fishing line right back into my face.

I persisted.

A friend of mine from Avon, Idaho told me about a huge trout he had caught and turned back. He is a catch-and-release fisherman. I am a catch-and-eat fisherman. I intended to get that very trout.

Well, the wind won the battle so I decided to pull out my binoculars and watch the pelicans fishing out in the river and other pelicans souring overhead catching the wind currents and having a big time.

Wouldn’t it be great to be a pelican in your next life spending your days fishing and flying?

I found a big rock to sit on and that is when I heard something crash in the brush upriver. I searched the shoreline and sure enough there was a great creature thrashing through the brush. I tough to myself, That is one big black bear!

Then I realized that the critter was standing on his hind legs for too long a time for a black bear. I thought, That is just Big Harry the Hermit. He came down from his cave to get a drink of water.

I turned my binoculars to Big Harry’s cave and there was Big Harry perched on his favorite rock squinting in the morning sun. It looked to me that he was watching the black bear too–or whatever it was.

The wind shifted and a horrific odor almost suffocated me. I said out loud, “Boy that critter stinks.” I looked up at Big Harry and he was holding his nose. I thought that a good idea and did the same.

The stink made me think of one thing, Big Foot. I decided that I was just hallucinating and decided to go home and take a nap. But then I heard a whistle and Big Harry was waving for me to come up to his cave.

I climbed until I reached him, leaving my fishing gear below.

By the time I got there I was huffing and puffing.

Big Harry said, “What the heck are you doing, Taylor Jones the hack writer, climbing up here like that? You’ve got a lot of faith in that pig valve in your chest.”

I said, “You waved me up, didn’t you?”

Big Harry said, “No! I was waving you to get out of here. Snake River Man is in a nasty mood this morning. He could have attacked you.”

I said, “Why would he do that and who in the heck is he anyway?”

Big Harry said, “When you were casting into the wind, you caught him in the ear. He pulled out your fly and went tramping off through the brush–but he could have turned on you.”

I said, “I didn’t catch anyone by the ear. I would have felt it.”

Big Harry said, “You thought you were just in the brush. But you caught Snake River Man. Why did you think you got the fly out of the brush so easily?”

That’s when I remembered that I had got caught in the brush. I hardly looked up because a quick jerk had freed the fly and I was back fishing in a second. I said, “Well, who is he?”

Big Harry said, “I just told you that he is Snake River Man. Everybody calls him that.”

I said, “Big Harry, I’ve never heard of that critter and I don’t know anyone that has ever seen him before–at least not anyone who mentioned it.

"He must be that guy who disappeared a couple of years ago. They thought he drowned but they never found his body.

"His wife said that he was nuts.

"He must have killed a black bear and is wearing its hide.”

Big Harry said, “That’s why I hate writers.”

I said, “What’s why you hate writers?”

Big Harry said, “You are always drawing conclusions from false assumptions. You think that everything has a simple explanation.”

I said, “Big Harry, if you were not always giving me BS, I would know now who that critter is and how he got here. You never take your eyes of that blasted river. Who is he then?”

Big Harry said, “Well, it’s my brother-in-law. I gave him that bear skin.

"My sister drove him to drink and he joined me here last month.

"I told him to find his own cave and to stay away from me, especially after he had the runin with a skunk.

"I can’t have people dropping in all the time interrupting my serious thinking. So if you would leave now, I would appreciate it.”

I said, “Is that hot chocolate you’ve got in the pot there, Harry?”

Harry will do anything to get a visitor.

Driving home in my old pickup I remembered one thing; Harry's sister's husband was killed in Vietnam. She never remarried.

The End

Bigfoot, big foot, Snake River, black bear, fishing, Sasquatch, Yeti, abdominal snowman, science fiction, Idaho

John T. Jones, Ph.D. (, a retired college professor and business executive, Former editor of an international engineering magazine. To learn more about Wealthy Affiliate University go to his info site. If you desire a flagpole to Fly Old Glory, go to the business site.

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